Leaving It Unfinished, Sorry

I'm going to leave that story there.

My intention wasn't to hurt anyone's feelings. It was just a way to get my anger out and I admit, I should've just wrote it in a notebook. I in no way tried to paint myself as an angel with a halo above my head. As I said, I was in the wrong. This whole thing started out because I did wrong. But this blog was about my trip, and I was only explaining things that happened on my trip. If I had known that my words on here would affect someone negatively, I never would've started it.

So, what can you take from my story? What I've learnt is, you can't un-love someone. It doesn't leave.   You don't wake up one day and decide you no longer want what's best for them. You can try as hard as you want but the love will still be there. It's forever from the very beginning. It's forever before either of you even realise what's happening. It's forever without your permission and it's forever when it's hit rock bottom. It will get easier, but it will still be forever. But it's okay to love people from a distance.

I use my story as my fuel and not my fortress. He took a part of me that I'll never get back, and that is fine. He took naivety. He took dishonesty. He took the part of me that didn't think about consequences. He took weak. He took the parts that I didn't want. So I can only try and see this as a positive. I wear what I've been as a badge, not with honour but not with ignominy either. A liar? I've been that. A cheater? I've been that. I've got the badge for it and there's no hiding from it. It's got me to where I am now and there's no shame in that. There's a point where everything you've been and every characteristic you've had, doesn't serve you. You need to confront it. You need to say thank you for getting me to this point, but in order for me to get there, I have to leave you here. If you lose someone but find yourself, you've won. Maybe one day I'll thank him for it.

Anyway.

I'll let you guess what happens next. Use your imagination, I don't know. I wish I could give you a fairytale ending but glass slippers do not exist and you'd be a fool to think otherwise. Maybe I'll carry on writing, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll treat this as my diary and talk nonsense about my everyday life. Maybe you'll enjoy it, maybe you won't. Maybe maybe maybe.