1) Doggy
Look, I know you're meant to arch your back so far that your lumbar vertebrae is on the brink of snapping. But lets face it, you are not a porn star. You've got work tomorrow and can't afford to have any injuries. Pretend you've lost something under the sofa and you're trying to dig it out. That'll do.
2) Play Dead
Who said you don't get his adrenaline going? Once he starts thinking that you're actually dead, open your eyes and tell him it's role play. Duh. Now you can stay in whatever position you're in. Pros: You don't need to move, hurrah! Cons: If he's okay with this you might want to rethink about seeing him again.
3) BDSM Artifice
Get him to tie up your limbs. Whoops! You can't possibly contribute, even if you wanted to. You're welcome. Pros: He now thinks you're kinky. Cons: He now thinks you're kinky.
4) Pooping In The Woods
You give in and it's time to get on top. Alright, just pretend you're pooping in the woods. Or like the time you got drunk and pee'd in an alleyway, and wiggled to get the last drops of pee off your vajayjay. Ta daaaa!
5) Starfish
Lay there like a starfish, you can start on your back then turn over and lay on your stomach. If he asks what you're doing, tell him that you're a starfish floating to the shore. If he says starfish don't flip over tell him to use his fucking imagination. The waves are violent. Who says you don't change it up?
6) That sideways one
It's like you're spooning but with added fork. Since you're hands-free for this, you can eat that last cheese toastie you were saving for later while he plows away.
Disclaimer: These methods have not been tried and tested (or maybe they have and had no pay-off). I take no responsibility if your boyfriend/husband/play thing leaves you. Did your mother not tell you to not take advice from a single girl?!
Get him to tie up your limbs. Whoops! You can't possibly contribute, even if you wanted to. You're welcome. Pros: He now thinks you're kinky. Cons: He now thinks you're kinky.
4) Pooping In The Woods
You give in and it's time to get on top. Alright, just pretend you're pooping in the woods. Or like the time you got drunk and pee'd in an alleyway, and wiggled to get the last drops of pee off your vajayjay. Ta daaaa!
5) Starfish
Lay there like a starfish, you can start on your back then turn over and lay on your stomach. If he asks what you're doing, tell him that you're a starfish floating to the shore. If he says starfish don't flip over tell him to use his fucking imagination. The waves are violent. Who says you don't change it up?
6) That sideways one
It's like you're spooning but with added fork. Since you're hands-free for this, you can eat that last cheese toastie you were saving for later while he plows away.
Disclaimer: These methods have not been tried and tested (or maybe they have and had no pay-off). I take no responsibility if your boyfriend/husband/play thing leaves you. Did your mother not tell you to not take advice from a single girl?!
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