Hey guys! Me and my friend are having an ovulation party this weekend, and you're invited. We have finally synced our menstrual cycle, without even trying! This truly shows how real our friendship is. If this isn't a cause for celebration then I don't know what is.
Due to this realisation of true friendship, we've had to kick everyone else out the group chat. They're obviously not true friends. Otherwise you know, our menstrual cycles would've synced by now. You girls are still invited to the party though, you just can't sit with us. I'm sorry, blame your female reproductive system.
When a female chimpanzee is in heat, her bottom swells up like a balloon and turns bright pink. The signs with us female humans are not so obvious. However, science does state that we become more alluring during our menstrual cycle and our body odour more attractive. This is great news for my friend since she has an offensive smell most of the time. Even greater news for me because I will be more enticing than ever. Feel free to give us compliments on our glowing skin and silky hair on the night.
On the menu this weekend we will have hard boiled eggs, soft boiled eggs, overdone scrambled eggs, runny scrambled eggs, just right scrambled eggs, sunny side up eggs, poached eggs, deviled eggs, baked eggs, and even our own eggs. For drinks we have eggnog and Pink Lady. You are forbidden to eat anything else other than eggs. If you're allergic to eggs or you simply don't like them, please do not turn up to our party. You have been uninvited. You're obviously against women empowerment and we don't need that kind of negativity.
Men are welcome to come to our menstrual party, but you're not allowed to touch us. You're here to give compliments and compliments only, keep your hands to yourself. Adulation every fifteen minutes is a must. There's a lot to admire: hair, skin, smell, nails. If you run out of things to say then you have proved to be an underachiever and a definite derelict. We've had enough disappointment with the male species, you will be asked to leave the party.
If you're a female and it is also your time of the month, please refrain from turning up. This is our party not yours. You will not steal our limelight. It's our time to shine!
See you guys there :)
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