Last Days In Tofo

I made the most out of my next few days in Tofo. I felt safe on my own. If men came up to me, they came for a conversation. Once a dude smiled at me from his friends car and I smiled back, then his friend stopped the car and the guy got out. His friend drove slowly behind us. There was no one else around. I got anxious, I can't lie.

Okay, this is the part I get kidnapped, I thought. He's going to drag me in the car. Shit. Walk fast.

"Hey, do you mind if I walk with you?"
"Erm, no."
"Cool, what's your name?"
"Adiné." I didn't ask for his, but he told me it anyway.
"Where are you from?"

At first I was a bit blunt with him, then I realised he was harmless. That could've been me being naive but I didn't feel uncomfortable. I changed my mindset. What if he was just looking for a chat, and I was there being a cow? I think people were intrigued more than anything. Instead of keeping my head down and feeling on edge, I held my head high and walked with purpose. I smiled at every person I walked past. I greeted them before they greeted me. I answered their questions instead of ignoring them. When you change your attitude, you no longer feel like a target. Smile and the world smiles with you, right?



One time, a Spanish guy on a quad bike saw I was walking back to my hotel. It wasn't one of those quad bikes you can rent, this one looked serious. It even had a digital screen at the front to tell you how fast you're going.

"Hey, you want a lift back to your hotel?"
"Ummmm, no I'm okay"
"Come on, I'll take you. You stay at Mozambeat right? I live near there."

What's the worst that could happen? If he goes the wrong way, I can jump off, fall in sand, and run the opposite direction. To hell with it.

"Okay! Yep Mozambeat."

So I climbed on. It was fun, he drove around and showed me the outside of his house. He had ten dogs! He told me he finds strays and gives them a home. He drove us past Branko's house (the arrogant arsehole with the nice restaurant).

"This is Branko's house. He is a very angry man."

Ha, so everyone knew then.

"Yeah, I've noticed!"

Lo and behold, he dropped me off to Mozambeat safe and sound. I didn't get raped, I didn't get kidnapped, and I didn't get sliced open to have my organs sold.

Can we appreciate my tan please?

It was my last day in Tofo. I was meant to get the bus to Vilanculos the next day but the weather for the next three days there wasn't too great. J said if I wanted I could go back to Maputo and stay at his apartment. I thought about it long and hard. I had already paid for the hotel in Vilanculos and also the flight back from there, and if I didn't go now when would I ever get to see Vilanculos? But then on the other hand, I could spend the rest of my time with him. 

I went with my heart and decided that he was more important to me than Vilanculos. But before I went and bought my bus ticket, I tested him. He tested me all throughout our relationship, so why shouldn't I now? Especially when I have so much to lose. I wanted to know if me going there would be worth it. If he would forgive me in the end or if we were going to go round in circles. So, I sent a long message. I won't get into it in too much detail, but I basically said that I can't change the past and all I can do is do better now, and if that isn't good enough then let me know and I will go to Vilanculos. 

"Go to V."

Stab in the heart.

"You're a let down."

I'm a let down? The same girl who travelled to Africa on the off chance that you would see her, even though you told her it would be a wasted journey is a let down? Because we ALL know I went for him. I knew it, my friends knew it, hell I think deep down even he knew it. I was willing to scrap the rest of my trip to go to him, but I'm a let down?

I gave it one last shot. I sent him another message telling him that I wanted to go to apologise to him and tell him how much I loved him and that the things I did will never happen again. He told me that he knew I had nothing new to say and that he was done hoping and trying.

Then the truth hit me like a ton of bricks.

He was never going to forgive me. It was never his intention to forgive me. His ego was bruised and he just wanted me to stroke it. He wanted to hear me beg and plead to make himself feel better and in the end, he still wouldn't have forgiven me. Look, I'm a good writer. Everyone tells me I'm a good writer. I write paragraphs for my friends to send their boyfriends and those are emotions I'm not even feeling, so imagine what I can write when I am. I could've wrote and practiced this big speech, and I could've gone to Maputo and performed it to him. But it wouldn't have gone anywhere. I could've written love letters in my own blood and I would still be in the same position I am now (not sure if anyone has ever done this, that's a bit psychotic but you get the picture).

So, after realisation slapped me in the face, I said "No worries, I'll cut my losses", and packed my suitcase ready to travel to Vilanculos the next day.

I wish I could tell you it doesn't get worse.

I wish I could tell you I didn't see him again.