I don't know whether 2017 has been the worst or best year of my life. I've experienced some real life lessons for sure. It's been blood, sweat and tears. I've had some of the best highs and some of the worst lows. I've laughed till I couldn't breathe and cried till my face swelled up. I feel like I was tip toeing on an icy lake and the ice finally cracked and I fell in. Now I'm out, I'm shivering and I can hardly breathe but I'm out. Am I okay? No. Will I be okay? Yes, definitely, I will always be okay. I'm strong and I'm wise and I'm going to get my shit together. I'm about to turn my life around.
I'm turning 25 next month and I have nothing to show for it. I've been thinking.. What have I actually done that I'm proud of? What are my greatest achievements? I'm five years away from 30 and I've done fuck all. Sure, I've got a job and I've got money and I can buy myself nice stuff. But in the grand scheme of things none of this matters. So, going forward, I'm going to write down 26 things to do before I turn 26. I'm not sure what they are yet, I haven't decided. But this is my goal. I want to travel. I want to go to Indonesia and sit in front of a Balinese medicine man so he can heal me. I want to meditate. I want to have long conversations with strangers that travel with nothing but a backpack. I want to wake up. I need to wake up. I've been strolling slowly through life. I feel numb, dead almost. I want to feel alive.
So, first stop: Mozambique. You're probably wondering why I'd choose such a place to travel on my own for my first time. Well, it's a long story. That needs a whole post of its own. I'm trying to ease you into things and not throw you in head first. This is just an introduction after all, can't have you thinking I'm crazy so early on in our blogging relationship. It was a battle deciding whether to go or not. I already had my ticket booked. Do I say sod it to the money and stay in my comfort zone where I feel safe? Or do I go and have an adventure? Make real life memories. Meet new people. Feel alive. How bad could it be? If I feel unsafe I could always go to the airport and get on the first flight back. I'm going to be fine. I'm sure of it. What's the worst that could happen? (Oh nothing Ads, you could get kidnapped or raped or even killed in your sleep but its all good lol!)
I keep asking myself if I'm going for all the wrong reasons. Am I going in hopes of seeing him? Or am I doing this for myself? I'm more leaning towards the latter but to be honest I don't know the answer to this yet. It's too soon to tell, I need time. Could it be a bit of both? I'm pretty sure I'll know in a couple weeks when its closer to the date. All I know is that I'm not going to be wandering around the streets of Maputo belting out his name with Whitney Houston's 'I will always love you' playing in the background. This isn't the movies. (Now I've got that picture in my head and its bloody hilarious.)
I have regretted a lot of things this year and I wasn't going to add one more to my list. No more shoulda coulda woulda's. No matter the reason I'm going to go just to say I fucking did it. Every single person I've spoken to has told me to not go. But I'm going to go with my gut on this one. I would rather go and come back and say it was mehh than not go at all and wonder what it would've been like.
Cashhh me outside one of these in a few weeks time.
Until next time x
I have regretted a lot of things this year and I wasn't going to add one more to my list. No more shoulda coulda woulda's. No matter the reason I'm going to go just to say I fucking did it. Every single person I've spoken to has told me to not go. But I'm going to go with my gut on this one. I would rather go and come back and say it was mehh than not go at all and wonder what it would've been like.
Cashhh me outside one of these in a few weeks time.
Until next time x
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