Any Oneirocritic's Out There?

Me when I wake up in the mornings

I've been having dreams Google can't tell me the meaning of. Wondering if any of you can help me? Here's a few of them:

Pregnant Kylie Jenner
I had a dream I was pregnant Kylie Jenner and I was in hiding. I decided enough was enough and it was time to show my face, tell the world that I am indeed pregnant. I ended up going to a party and suddenly needing to give birth. So I popped out her/my baby. Right there. On the dance floor.

On The Run
My ex was on the run and I tagged along on some Bonnie and Clyde shit. I am a moron even in my dreams. He ended up robbing a bus and posing as a bus driver. Like, he fully stopped for passengers, took the correct route, all whilst keeping within the speed limit. Not sure why he did this, or where we were going, or why he was even on the run. I didn't ask questions. I was there pretending to be a ticket inspector, and also looking out for police. Lord give me strength. His face was all over the news so if this was Grand Theft Auto he definitely would've been on five stars.

But no one knew who he was. Do you know why? Cause he had a hat on. Cause apparently hats hide the identity of a person. A hat.

In the end, we ran off the bus and his stupid friend picked us up and took us to his house. Police found us there cause his number plate was all over the CCTV cameras. We got caught because of a number plate. Not because of my ex's actual face. That was on show. The whole time.

We both got thrown in jail. No happy ending. Sorry.


Google was no help.

Killing Spree
I went around killing motherfuckers. Real badass. Were they criminals? Was I the criminal? Did they deserve it? All questions I don't know the answer to.

I don't want to Google the meaning of this in case the government think I'm trying to join ISIS. I'm Iranian. Next thing you know, police are breaking down my door and it's me who's on the run. With no ride or die chick.

Someone Was Trying To Kill Me
I was running away from someone that wanted to kill me with a machete. Karma's a bitch. I don't know if I died in the end or not. Do you need to know the small details to give me the meaning of this?

I Decided To Not Have Any Carbs Or Sugar For A Month
This isn't a nightmare. This is actually happening. Help me.

Carbs is in everything. Sugar is in everything. I can't even eat a fucking banana. Not that I eat them much, but if I wanted to, I couldn't. Anyway, I'll write more on this at the end of February.

If my withdrawal symptoms haven't killed me by then.

I've Found My Happy

I can't quit my job and go travelling, not just yet anyway. But I also can't limit myself to just going away a few times a year. I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm suffocating.

I've decided I'm going to go away once a month this year. I know it sounds crazy but hear me out.

I don't mean take weeks off at a time, that won't be possible. But even a weekend trip away is something. It'll scratch this itch that I have. It'll give me something to look forward to every month. I need it.

How am I going to afford it? By saying no to nights out. By not pissing out my income. By not going out to eat (as much). By not online shopping everyday. Instead, I stay in on weekends. I drink green tea. I read books. Watch Netflix. If any of my friends want to come round then they are more than welcome. But a night out in Shoreditch? I'll skip that. Sure, I'll miss out on some fun but I'll have a new city waiting for me the following month. You bet your arse I'm going to every House festival this year though. Who even am I right now?

So I take the money I would've spent on these things and spend it on a flight ticket instead, whilst still being able to save quite a fair bit every month. Two birds, one stone. I don't intend on staying in grand hotels. I'm going to travel on my own so, to be honest, I would rather stay at hostels. 1) It costs next to nothing. You can stay at some hostels for a tenner a night and 2) it's easier to meet new people.

Destinations

February - Prague is booked.

March/April - Iran is booked for two weeks. I haven't been in ten years and I need to see my family. Hopefully travel and see some new cities there too. What better way to start than your own country? I can't wait. Although, I'm not sure how safe it is right now but it'll make it all the more exciting. Will I make it back? Will I get thrown into prison cause they think I'm a spy? Will my friends set up a petition to get me back? Oh the thrill of it all.



From May onwards nothing is set in stone so it may change. Skyscanner has this really cool option where you can set your destination to anywhere and select cheapest month. Even though I knew I definitely wanted to go to Prague in February, it still had the option of showing me how much it would cost me to fly on each day of the month. Give it a try. I got my ticket for just £60!

Anyway, this is the plan:

May - Budapest

June - Vienna

July - Marbella for my friends birthday, only for three days. Depending on how I feel, when they fly back I might take a coach to Gibraltar for a day then take a ferry to Morocco. That's three countries in one trip.

August - Toronto

September - Berlin

October/November - Kenya! After falling in love with Mozambique (which I plan to visit again in 2019) I promised myself I'd travel to somewhere in Africa every year.

December - San Jose to visit my mum for Christmas.

This is it. This is my plan. I'm going to make this year brilliant. I deserve it. I owe it to myself. 2017 was the best worst year of my life. I don't care if that doesn't make sense. It's what it was. This year we're taking 'worst' out the equation. I'm excited.

Find something that makes your heart sing. If it's maths, do math's as much as you can. Work out problems, find x, plot a complex number in an Argand diagram. If it's poems, read poems all the time. Read them out loud. Write them. Perform them at an Open Mic. Do something you love because it makes you happy. Not anyone else. You. Be selfish. If you have no one to do it with, do it on your own.

Find your happy. You owe it to yourself.

Choose Your Own Adventure

I've done my fair share of luxury travel. I've done the all inclusive resorts, the five star hotels. The nightlife, the VIP section of the club, the bottles of Dom Pérignon. And sure, I had fun. But that's all it was, a bit of fun. That doesn't stay with you. I don't have much to say about those trips, all I got from them was a few Instagramable pictures. Nothing ever went wrong. There was no excitement, no adrenaline rush. Everything was so perfect, and looking back, that's what makes them so dull.

I'll never forget that journey to Vilanculos. I'll never forget how rewarding it felt when I finally got there. I'll never forget that walk on the beach I took a few hours later. Tears streaming down my face, questioning every choice I've made in life, examining every aspect of my character. Blaming myself, hating myself, doubting myself. Now there's a fucking memory. Those are the moments that will stick with me forever.

And yeah, those moments sucked at the time. I had a broken heart and a million regrets. But boy did I have a story to tell. It was the best trip of my life. I learnt more about myself in those two and a half weeks more than I have my whole life. I'd pick a trip like that over ten perfect trips any day. Because when you feel like you've reached the edge of your mental and physical limits, that's when things start getting interesting. You'll come face to face with who you are in the absence of comfort. I don't regret it, not one bit.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying be down in it every time you travel. You don't have to be miserable and in tears to discover new things about yourself. That was just my story. But if you do get lost in the middle of nowhere with no WiFi or end up in a sweltering hostel with a bed that feels like a brick, embrace it. You'll have a story to tell, and you've also taught yourself a new lesson. Like to download an offline map and to read reviews online before staying somewhere.

Take me for example. I got my phone stolen in a massive house rave in Maputo, few days before I was meant to fly back. I got ignored three times by the person I thought I could count on the most. My Airbnb host was in South Africa, so I couldn't ask her for help. There was no clock at the apartment and I didn't have a watch, so I had no idea what the time was in the day. The guard downstairs didn't speak a word of english, and all I could manage was 'tudo bem' and 'sal e limão'. Because of course the most important thing to learn in a foreign country is salt and lemon. How else would you order a tequila? No phone meant no map, no taxi, no alarm to wake me up in time for my flight, and no easing my mums worries by messaging her every hour of the day to tell her I'm alive and well and haven't been raped by a gang of Mozambicans.

In the end? A friend I made there lent me her sisters phone for a couple days. I was fine. Everything was fine.

The best part of it all? It shined a light on the kindness of strangers. By being vulnerable I saw the compassion in others. Like the time I was lost and had no idea where the buses that went to Vilanculos were. Again, I was rescued by a generous and warm hearted stranger. He walked with me for over thirty minutes. I will never forget him. Regular reminders of why you should have faith in humanity sure is good for the soul.

Try and willingly put yourself in situations where you have no idea how you're going to respond. Travel solo. Take chances. Go do something you've always wanted. Something you're passionate about. Even if it's hard. Even if you're scared. Because in the end things will turn out just fine. And you'll be glad you did it.

So you can keep your cabana beds, your hours of sunbathing under the blazing sun and your room service. I've been there, done that. I want the adrenaline rush, I want the danger, I want not knowing what's next. I've got a lot planned for this year. Just for me, no one else. I'm choosing my own adventure.

Table for one please.