Promise Me One Thing

How do you know when you love someone? Does it hit you like a bag of bricks? An arrow? Or is it a choice? Do you take into account their attributes and decide that you love them?

For me, I'm not quite sure how it happened. To be honest, the whole thing was such a whirlwind of emotions that I can't even tell you how it started. I feel like I just woke up one day and got slapped in the face with it. I didn't get to sit down, weigh up the pro's and con's and use my discretion to make a decision. In fact, I didn't use my head at all. I closed my eyes and jumped. Free falling without a parachute. 

Love should be a choice. And that choice should be based on many factors: goals in life, character, principles, humour, chemistry, intelligence, logic, looks, and so on. The weight of each factor fluctuates depending on the individual. Some may value intelligence more than looks, and some might not even care if their partner has an IQ of room temperature. It all depends on the person. Taking all these factors into consideration, you can then decide. Do you start to love this person or not?

And it's no good just looking at the other person. Are you ready yourself? Are you willing to put some of your wants aside? To compromise? I'm not sure whether to believe in the whole right person, wrong time thing. You could argue that if they were the right person then you would make sure it's the right time. That you would do everything in your power to make the relationship work. But life isn't as easy as that. Sometimes you're not in the right head space. Sometimes you're just simply not ready.

You could call me selfish for the way I acted. I wanted to keep him as close as I could, but at the same time deep down, I knew a relationship wasn't what I wanted. I knew I wanted him, I just didn't want the rest of the baggage that came with a relationship. I know he wasn't ready either, even though he would tell you he was. I think we were both so bamboozled by the sexual attraction that every other factor went out the window. He would tell me that I'm the most attractive girl he'd ever met, and I think that was all it was. Come to think of it, I don't think he loved anything else about me. I was a wild child, while he was quite reserved. I was a chatty patty in big groups, him not so much. I'm quite easygoing and carefree, meanwhile he was picky and placed importance on such small things. I get attention when I go out, and I think he would've been more comfortable with a girl that blends in the background. There's many reasons why we didn't work out, but it simply comes down to one thing.

We just wasn't meant to be.

Relationships are like.... let's say horse riding. You jump up and start to ride. It could be a smooth ride, or the horse could go ballistic and start rearing, putting you in a difficult position. The arguments, the disagreements, the fights, the little things that start annoying you. You start wondering if you made the right choice. You then have to come to a decision. Do you hold on for dear life, or do you let go and fall? You might decide that you want to cling on and hope that the horse calms down. You try and persevere and in the end you manage to stay on the horse. You might realise that the ride was worth it. Or you might opt to let go and fall. The fall might make you stronger, or it might make you injured and miserable. You may not trust horses for a while but sooner or later, you'll be back at the stables ready to ride again. It could be another bumpy ride, or this time it could be just a few hurdles. Either way, another choice. Hold on or fall?

Sometimes it is easy to love, and sometimes it is difficult. Love is on one end whilst hate is on the other, and the pendulum oscillates between the two points. One day you choose to love them, the next day you could choose to hate them. But ultimately, it is always a choice. We fall in and out of love in relationships all the time. People that have been together for many years didn't spend everyday of those years madly in love with each other. The reason why some relationships don't last is because some people think if they're not crazy for each other then they shouldn't be together. Your feelings vary depending on the relationship, but also how happy you are in your own life.

And yes, sometimes there is a drift. A drift so far that there's no coming back. Sometimes the pendulum can stop swinging back and forth, until you feel nothing for the person. Until you don't know who you are anymore. Until you don't even like yourself anymore. Then you make the choice. You fall.

So make the decision. Do you choose to love them? Yes or no? It's your choice. If you choose to love them, love with all your might, with everything you've got. Love them until you feel like you're going to burst. If you choose no, promise me one thing.

Let the fall make you stronger.

Six Sexual Positions For The Incompetent

He asks you to get on top? You go to a spinning class once in a while but come on, you're no olympian. Tell the boy you signed up for sex, not Virgin Active. What is he trying to call you fat or something? That you need to burn more calories? Okay, listen up. Now is your chance to cry, but not too much. You don't want to ruin the mood completely. Make him feel bad. He'll get on top and won't ask for another few weeks.

1) Doggy

Look, I know you're meant to arch your back so far that your lumbar vertebrae is on the brink of snapping. But lets face it, you are not a porn star. You've got work tomorrow and can't afford to have any injuries. Pretend you've lost something under the sofa and you're trying to dig it out. That'll do.

2) Play Dead

Who said you don't get his adrenaline going? Once he starts thinking that you're actually dead, open your eyes and tell him it's role play. Duh. Now you can stay in whatever position you're in. Pros: You don't need to move, hurrah! Cons: If he's okay with this you might want to rethink about seeing him again.

3) BDSM Artifice
Get him to tie up your limbs. Whoops! You can't possibly contribute, even if you wanted to. You're welcome. Pros: He now thinks you're kinky. Cons: He now thinks you're kinky.

4) Pooping In The Woods
You give in and it's time to get on top. Alright, just pretend you're pooping in the woods. Or like the time you got drunk and pee'd in an alleyway, and wiggled to get the last drops of pee off your vajayjay. Ta daaaa!

5) Starfish 
Lay there like a starfish, you can start on your back then turn over and lay on your stomach. If he asks what you're doing, tell him that you're a starfish floating to the shore. If he says starfish don't flip over tell him to use his fucking imagination. The waves are violent. Who says you don't change it up?

6) That sideways one
It's like you're spooning but with added fork. Since you're hands-free for this, you can eat that last cheese toastie you were saving for later while he plows away.


Disclaimer: These methods have not been tried and tested (or maybe they have and had no pay-off). I take no responsibility if your boyfriend/husband/play thing leaves you. Did your mother not tell you to not take advice from a single girl?!

Eight Wishes

My mum was sneaky with this picture

The temperature outside was -6 degrees but I couldn't feel the cold in the hot tub. The water was piping, but because of the freezing weather it felt perfect against my skin. We went to Lake Tahoe and stayed at The Ridge for a few days while I was in America. It was beautiful.

I saw eight shooting stars that night. Magical. I made eight wishes and I wished for the same thing again and again. Eight times. It's gotta come true, right?

The sky was starlit. There must've been a thousand stars up there, millions of miles way. And for all I knew, some of them could've been dead. I saw their light, it's just that the light I saw was from the past. Their light keeps lingering in those spaces which you think have been emptied. But they haven't, and they can never be filled by another star. I sat there staring at the tranquil sky for what seemed like an hour, it was probably two (I had a stiff neck after). I felt peace. I hadn't felt that in a while. For a moment I felt like everything around me had stopped. I couldn't even hear anyone talking. It was just me, the sky, and these shooting stars.

Have you ever been stargazing? It soothed my heart. It somehow alleviated my problems. We put such importance on everything that's going wrong, but in those breathtaking moments when I saw the little chunks of rock glow and burn into nothing, all my worries felt inconsequential. Suddenly there was a dance that existed between my head, my heart and my soul. I found out what my song sounds like, even off key.